Aside from the daily scare I experience at work of someone suddenly appearing at my side - like a ghost - to talk to me, I'm a pretty cool cat. My last "nightmare" was a work-related nightmare where I forgot to account for torsion at a roof beam. Scary stuff. I willingly suspend my disbelief during horror movies (which I love) to experience fright. I tell my friends that I'm afraid that Draymond Green might kick me in the nuts, but it's not true. There aren't many animals that scare me. Which may not be a good thing.
For example, I don't get the concept of a guard dog. Dogs are cute, lovable, and fun. I've never met a dog in my life where I thought to myself, "If we got in a fight, you'd kill me before I'd kill you." Not once, not ever. In every dog fight that I've simulated in my brain, I come out the victor. People tell me not to test that theory. They assure me that some dogs could kill me, but I don't buy it.
Especially not this dog:
This slab that looks like a happy dog wagging its tail comes to us courtesy of Miss Garras, which means Miss Claws in English. Miss Garras is working on the Washington State Convention Center expansion here in Seattle and this perro was one of her slabs. Seattle keeps losing obscure conferences to our Vancouver and Portland neighbors. Not anymore!
Back to being afraid....
About a year ago, I read "Lone Survivor." It's a great book about a Navy Seal who survived a firefight in Afghanistan - it's also a movie with Marky Mark. One unimportant detail from that book has dominated my thoughts from time to time. As a teenager, this guy would wrestle alligators at his home in Texas for fun.
I couldn't believe it! That's definitely something I AM afraid of. If I saw an alligator, I'm instantly running away and leaving behind my slower edible loved ones. Then I thought to myself, "Maybe alligators aren't as scary as I think they are. This guy wrestles them for fun! They can't be too scary if he does that." But after polling other people at the water cooler about their thoughts on alligators, I determined I was right to begin with. Gators are bad news.
I couldn't believe it! That's definitely something I AM afraid of. If I saw an alligator, I'm instantly running away and leaving behind my slower edible loved ones. Then I thought to myself, "Maybe alligators aren't as scary as I think they are. This guy wrestles them for fun! They can't be too scary if he does that." But after polling other people at the water cooler about their thoughts on alligators, I determined I was right to begin with. Gators are bad news.
While that was heavy on my mind, I was invited to a house in the beautiful San Juan Islands. For those of you who aren't familiar with Washington state, the San Juans are beautiful glacier carved islands in that confusing part of Washington that eventually turns into Canada.
While we were out there, we went crabbing. Keep in mind, I come from a landlocked state that is geographically the farthest possible place from any ocean on the North American continent. So needless to say, I've never been crabbing. I was super excited.
Crabbing involves a few simple steps.
1) Lower cages with bait down to the ocean floor
2) Wait a day for crabs to unwittingly walk into your trap
3) Return and raise your cages to the boat
4) Pull the crabs out, toss the females, keep the males, and store them in a cooler full of water
5) Bring those delicious crustaceans to your home and eventually your plate
So there we were, cruising around the bay, pulling up these crabs, throwing back the lucky females, and keeping the males for dinner. The red ones, I'm told, are to be handled with care. They're dungeness crabs and have strong pincers. Whatever. I may be from North Dakota, but I'm a quick learner and a pro already. I was grabbing these things from the cage, inspecting their genitalia, and then throwing them around all casual-like.
Then one of the big red ones - a male - was putting up a decent struggle. He's wriggling around and pushing himself free from my grip with his legs. Nope. He's not escaping my grasp. So I re-position my grip, moving my hand higher on his shell and firmly grabbing him; he's going nowhere.
Then I felt his pincer find my finger.
"Uh oh."
He started squeezing. Slowly at first....
"Oh. This ain't so bad."
...then he clamped down.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
It was one of those pains where all your senses just stop and all you feel is pain emanating from one spot (likely similar to Draymond Green kicking you in the nuts). I immediately let him go and flicked him off my finger after a few attempts. It lasted only a few seconds, but my body was immediately exhausted, and my finger was in intense pain for a long time afterward.
Before that day, I was never afraid of crabs. After that day, well...I'm cautious and a little vengeful toward them. I thought back on the alligator wrestling, Taliban fighting, Navy SEAL and wondered if he's afraid of crabs. Probably not. I wondered how many other people are afraid of crabs in general. And how do crabs compare to spiders, snakes, and alligators. What animals are the scariest?
When I returned to work, I made a survey of 10 animals and gave it to about 20 of my coworkers to rate their relative scariness. People weren't afraid of crabs.
I was like them once. Not afraid of crabs. They just don't know how much pain they can cause, otherwise they would be, right?
What makes a person afraid of an animal? Does knowledge and experience (or lack thereof) with an animal increase or decrease fear? Does one's upbringing play a part? Gender? Or are some people simply born brave - like that Navy SEAL - while others are simply born afraid?
I've recreated the survey I gave my coworkers. Take the quiz below in the name of science. It might save your life one day.
(After hitting "SUBMIT" scroll back up to get a link that will show you the results. Or access it via this link for better formatting.)
 |
| Photo cred: Sara "can-you-take-me" Hyer. I clearly had spacing confusion in this picture. |
Crabbing involves a few simple steps.
1) Lower cages with bait down to the ocean floor
2) Wait a day for crabs to unwittingly walk into your trap
3) Return and raise your cages to the boat
4) Pull the crabs out, toss the females, keep the males, and store them in a cooler full of water
5) Bring those delicious crustaceans to your home and eventually your plate
So there we were, cruising around the bay, pulling up these crabs, throwing back the lucky females, and keeping the males for dinner. The red ones, I'm told, are to be handled with care. They're dungeness crabs and have strong pincers. Whatever. I may be from North Dakota, but I'm a quick learner and a pro already. I was grabbing these things from the cage, inspecting their genitalia, and then throwing them around all casual-like.
Then one of the big red ones - a male - was putting up a decent struggle. He's wriggling around and pushing himself free from my grip with his legs. Nope. He's not escaping my grasp. So I re-position my grip, moving my hand higher on his shell and firmly grabbing him; he's going nowhere.
Then I felt his pincer find my finger.
"Uh oh."
He started squeezing. Slowly at first....
"Oh. This ain't so bad."
...then he clamped down.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
It was one of those pains where all your senses just stop and all you feel is pain emanating from one spot (likely similar to Draymond Green kicking you in the nuts). I immediately let him go and flicked him off my finger after a few attempts. It lasted only a few seconds, but my body was immediately exhausted, and my finger was in intense pain for a long time afterward.
Before that day, I was never afraid of crabs. After that day, well...I'm cautious and a little vengeful toward them. I thought back on the alligator wrestling, Taliban fighting, Navy SEAL and wondered if he's afraid of crabs. Probably not. I wondered how many other people are afraid of crabs in general. And how do crabs compare to spiders, snakes, and alligators. What animals are the scariest?
When I returned to work, I made a survey of 10 animals and gave it to about 20 of my coworkers to rate their relative scariness. People weren't afraid of crabs.
I was like them once. Not afraid of crabs. They just don't know how much pain they can cause, otherwise they would be, right?
What makes a person afraid of an animal? Does knowledge and experience (or lack thereof) with an animal increase or decrease fear? Does one's upbringing play a part? Gender? Or are some people simply born brave - like that Navy SEAL - while others are simply born afraid?
I've recreated the survey I gave my coworkers. Take the quiz below in the name of science. It might save your life one day.
(After hitting "SUBMIT" scroll back up to get a link that will show you the results. Or access it via this link for better formatting.)
Scroll up to see results!
